I’m a cautious, smart mom and my child choked. And it was my fault.
I didn’t lose him. Thank God I didn’t. But it was as real as real comes, and it was terrifying.
It was textbook choking. He was silent. He didn’t make a peep. He wasn’t coughing. He wasn’t gagging. He wasn’t flailing his arms. He was still. He was quiet. And he had an expression on his face that I’ve never seen on that precious little face before.
That’s how I knew it was real.
The sound of my sister’s voice. I knew. The way she said my name. It was quiet but it was different. Just hearing her tone, I immediately knew something was wrong with my son. I looked at him. I knew. There was no sound. I knew. His eyes were big and there was a look of worry. Helplessness, panic and worry. I knew.
My child was choking.
I shifted him forward in his chair and hit his back very hard several times.
I looked at him. Still no sound, still the same look in his eyes.
I felt the panic and the “Oh my god that didn’t work” wash over me.
I stood him up and slammed my hand into his back as hard as I could. Over and over again.
I didn’t know what else to do. And at the same time I knew the next thing I had to do was bend him over the chair in front of me or try the Heimlich.
I’ve never actually done the Heimlich. I know what you’re supposed to do but I wouldn’t say I know how to do it.
I’d lost my voice a few days earlier so I couldn’t even scream for help. I needed my sister to yell for a doctor or nurse.
My mind was racing a million miles an hour. And yet it was like everything was happening in slow motion. Slow enough for my mind to process the gravity of what was happening even as it was happening.
I was still beating his back as hard as I possibly could. I wasn’t worried about hurting him. I was worried about saving him.
Finally, I heard him cry my name through a weak sob.
I pulled him into my arms. I couldn’t breathe. Oh my God, I could’ve lost my child. Losing a child—or them losing me—is my biggest fear in the world. And I almost had.
My child choked.
I’d managed to get it up. Or out. Or at least shifted it so he could breathe.
I had done the first thing I could think to do. I don’t know if it was the right thing. Yes, it worked, but what if it hadn’t?
I send my regular babysitters to get trained in CPR & the like, but I hadn’t gone myself. It had been “on my list” for a long time. But I hadn’t done it. How arrogant of me to think I’d know what to do just because I’m the Mother.
I’m vigilant with their safety.
I use “leashes” in huge public settings. I’m scared of them running into the road. I’m terrified of kidnapping. I have them in survival swim lessons.
I worry about what they eat. What’s in the food I give them. How it impacts their growing bodies.
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I’m the Mom who cuts my kids’ grapes vertically every single time. And when those grape halves look too big, I cut them again. (**I finally bought this grape cutter, and it is THE BEST. Wish I had bought it years ago. It does a 4-way vertical slice, which is key. It’s super fast to use & I can even do it one-handed. My kids LOVE to use it, which is honestly a nice help. And unlike a lot of others, this one can cut way more than grapes. We use it for strawberries, cucumbers, olives & so much more. Get it now. Trust me.)
I’m also wary of whole bananas. Ice. Hot dogs. Peanuts. Popcorn. The list goes on…
I don’t like my children to eat with a sitter when I’m not there.
No shame in my leash game.
I’m careful. But still, my child choked.
I’m smart. But still, my child choked.
I’m a good Mom. And still, my child choked.
And it would’ve been my fault.
I made the mistake. I’m the one who thought a peanut M&M would be okay. I made that call.
We were at the theater. I don’t let my kids eat popcorn because it’s one of the main choking hazards for young kids. And yet I somehow thought peanut M&Ms would be okay.
I thought it would be okay because I’m careful. And because HE is careful. He chews. He tells his little sister to “take bites.” He is an excellent listener and a cautious child. So I thought it would be okay.
I had even momentarily hesitated and thought about it. And I ultimately decided it was okay.
I was wrong.
In one instant, everything could have changed. And I was almost completely helpless to save him. I’ve never felt so powerless in my entire life.
Even a medical professional might not have been able to save him if I hadn’t been able to. There are no guarantees.
Yes, I know “anything can happen to anyone at anytime.”
But that’s not what this is about. This is about me as a Mother making a mistake that could’ve cost my child everything. A Mother who loves her children more than she could have ever dreamed. A Mother who guards them with her life. A Mother just like you.
I’m just trying to say—it can happen to any one of us. Even the “careful” ones.
I took a CPR class the first chance I got. I hope with my entire being I never feel that helpless again.
And as careful as I am, I can be more so. I hesitated about the peanut M&M. My mom gut questioned it. And my mom brain or heart or who knows what overruled it.
Such a tiny little thing could’ve destroyed my entire world. I’m sharing this so others can think twice. And so we as parents can make sure we are as trained/prepared for an emergency with our children as we can be.
I wasn’t.
I wasn’t trained. And I sure wasn’t prepared.
I’m not afraid to say that I’m a great Mom. I am. But I almost failed my child. And in a way, I did fail him. Because I guide what is “okay” for him to do, eat, watch—you name it. He looks to me. And I thought it was okay. So, so did he.
He recovered quickly so we stayed at the show that night. He’d been so looking forward to it. The second I tucked him in and shut the door that night I just sobbed and sobbed. I went into our bedroom and told my husband what had happened. That our child choked. I couldn’t stop crying.
I was carrying the shock that I could have lost him. And the guilt that it was my fault that my child choked.
And I was carrying the weight of wanting to tell everyone in the world so it wouldn’t happen to them, yet not wanting to tell anyone because the heaviness of it was too much to repeat. It was the closest call of my life.
The day after it happened I called my sister to make sure it was as real as it felt. She told me it was. And that it had been shocking and she’d gone home and taken a long shower and cried and thanked God over & over that he was okay. I asked her to tell our mom and sister what happened because I couldn’t bear talking about it yet.
A few days later I spoke to my son about it. He remembered it. He remembered being scared and he remembered that I really hurt his back. No, he hadn’t been playing or jumping up and down or being silly. He’d been sitting calmly waiting for the show.
My child choked not because he was moving around or playing at the table or being silly or talking with his mouth full.
The truth is he choked because I gave him something I shouldn’t have. It’s important to remember that it can happen in any circumstance.
Years later, I am still reeling from this. That experience has shaped much of how I parent.
Sure, I may be more careful than some other Moms. I’m okay with that. I’m confident enough to tell another parent or even my kids’ school that my kids can’t have popcorn. I’m concerned enough to ask the hard questions of my kids’ school & teachers: Are they CPR/BLS Trained? Every year? I’m wary enough of my children choking to ask that my parents & anyone who watches them be trained.
We also regularly talk about choking safety and eating safety at home—all the time, actually. And how we can all be more careful. They notice that their friends may eat different things than they do or eat food cut up differently than theirs (or not cut at all), and they are confident enough to not let it phase them. That’s why talking about it with them is so important.
I remember talking to my husband about how inadequate I felt that I had no training on how to save my choking child. About how I was going to take a CPR/Basic Lifesaving Skills class immediately. He’s a surgeon. He told me the Heimlich is very effective. I asked “How effective?” His answer: “About 85% of the time.” My mouth dropped. I blurted out, “That’s it?! That’s all? That’s not good enough!”
Did you know that a child dies from choking every 5 days in the US? I didn’t. My child choked. He could’ve been a statistic.
So what can we do?
We can educate ourselves about the main choking hazards for children. (*Keep in mind that my son was 4.5—just because your child isn’t 2 years old anymore doesn’t mean he or she can’t choke.) We can take the life-saving skills classes & know what to do. Heimlich is one of the ways to save the life of someone choking. There are others. Like the back blows I did. And CPR. And we can make sure our babysitters and schools and day cares are trained.
We can make sure we don’t take any of it lightly. Because I can assure you, if your child is choking, it will feel anything but light. It will feel like the heaviest terror you can imagine.
Think of it this way:
It’s like preparing for the biggest test of your life—don’t you want to be as prepared as possible? Especially when it could mean life or death?
I let my kids eat popcorn until I read a post a Mom wrote about almost losing her 2 year old son to a piece of popcorn. I let them eat nuts until I read a Mother’s article about how her child choked to death on an almond. Reading those things breaks my heart into a million pieces but also makes me even more aware.
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Mamas, I’m not trying to guilt you. Or mom-shame you. But I might be trying to scare you.
Scare you into getting the proper training and scare you into thinking twice. About the lollipop in the car (guilty). About the hot dog or piece of ice. Or maybe the spoonful of peanut butter. Or the latex balloon.
Because your child could choke.
Even if you’re a careful Mama, like me.
—
Update: I took a CPR/Basic Life Support (BLS) class. I cannot recommend it highly enough. I know it’s tough to find the time. I know it’s tough to find the money. But, the peace of mind it gives you is worth every penny & every minute. You will not regret it. I cannot believe I didn’t do this sooner. I feel so much more secure in my Motherhood. Do it. Look for a class in your area asap. We can raise our kids, we can mold & teach our kids, we can love our kids…but we also need to know how to save them when we can.
Has your child choked or have you ever had a choking scare? Do you have any pointers? Tell me more in the comments.
Want more on Motherhood? —> Are you a Stay at Home Mom? Or scared to fly since having kids? Do you have Mom Burnout? (I did, so I found a cure)
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55 comments
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Please someone validate me. My daughter is 2. I am a nurse and know a family who lost their 2 yo after he choked on a carrot his nanny gave him. He was laughing. Like a sweet, carefree toddler should. I know what can happen. I am so so careful because I know how quickly everything can change. I just learned that daycare sometimes gives may daughter Harriet M&Ms. (Not peanut M&M, just the regular). I flipped out. But they’re acting like i’m overreacting and that regular M&Ms aren’t choking hazards like the peanut or almonds M&Ms. I texted another parent, and they didn’t even know that M&Ms could be dangerous. Thoughts? Am I crazy.
You are not crazy. Your little girl is 2! Nearly anything can be a choking hazard at that age. And M&Ms–even the non-peanut ones–are that perfect hazardous shape. Listen Mama, YOU’RE the Mama. YOU know what’s best for your daughter & what you’re comfortable with. Don’t let anyone or anything or anywhere make you feel like you’re overreacting. I would feel the same as you. I halve peanuts for my 4 & 6 year old. Still. Because I saw how quickly it happens & I never want to risk that again. As they say, I’d rather be safe than sorry. Stay strong, Mama ❤️❤️
You never have to question what YOU think. You set the standard because you are the mother. I’m a nurse anesthetist, my husband an anesthesiologist. 85% effectiveness is pretty good considering nothing in life is a 100% guarantee. It’s our job to reduce risks. It’s on us, so get proper training. I don’t let anyone babysit really. My mom does a couple times a year and I prepare everything. Blueberries get smashed. I don’t mess around. I’m not a helicopter mom with other things, but I’m scared to death of my child choking in front of me. HM for 1 and under is different from that for a 1yr old to 8 yr old. We do NOT take our kids to daycare. We make the financial sacrifice and just keep driving our 10 year old cars around so I can work per diem. We don’t care. We know from our life experience that if you want something done right, do it yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you what is and isn’t a choking hazard. My child choke on curdled milk. ANYTHING is a choking hazard. You are the one who stands to lose your child.
My Son Christian passed away this past April from cardiac arrest due to choking.He was only 4. Its been a nightmare. I came across this page because i am trying to find a way to start an awareness for our small community here in Deming new mexico. The hospital did not have a pediatric doctor to use a defibrillator so all they could do was chest compression and epinephrine.They tried to get the food out by sucking but it had gone to far. There main concern then was getting his heart to start. Which never did. Before getting to the er my husband and I did the Heimlich and mouth to mouth. I am a caregiver and am CPR and first aid trained. You think your ready or maybe this might not ever be something you’ll have to go through but it is as real as you and I sitting here reading. I am a lost mother trying my best to raise my six year old boy who is an only child, in living form, that is. Because he will forever be “Big Brother”. Anyways moms… parents, Please be knowledgeable on situations that may arise because it is very scary and very real. May God bless you all and angels protect you
Sincerely, A broken heart
Crystal, oh Mama. My heart is in pieces for you. I really and truly cannot imagine your heartbreak. You are living every Mama’s nightmare. I am so, so sorry.
My heart hurts so badly for you. I don’t know the pain of losing a child and I hope to God I never do. But, I lost my brother and I’ve seen my Mom and Dad have to live through the heartbreak of losing their child, and it is something that is unfathomable. I am sending love and light and strength and hope your way, though I know that does nothing to ease your pain. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing this. I shared your comment with every mother I could to try and help them realize how real scares and experiences like this really are. Thank you. Sending you endless love, Mama. 💔💔❤️❤️
And I’ll be thinking of your Christian, too, and sending love and light up to him as well. ❤️
So scary! It. Can happen to anyone. I’m an NP and my husband a paramedic/FF and I feel like I would forget what to do if we were in that situation. So happy your soon is ok!
Oh my goodness I feel so grateful to have found this thread and know that I am not the only one who is feeling like this. It’s 1am in the morning and I am torturing myself by reading about “how long a person can survive without breath” and replaying this mornings scenario over and over again in my head. My 7 month old baby girl choked today on a piece of lemon today, she was with me at work in the office and I was working on something with a colleague and all of a sudden I looked over to her and she was red in the face, struggling to breath. But no sound, just struggle. I immediately pulled her out of her high chair and slapped her back, and then turned her downwards and tried again but felt unsure if I was doing it right, I questioned myself and instead of continuing I just froze in fear unsure what to do next. And then in a split second my mind thought of someone who can save her. And thank goodness another colleague who was working next door who is a grandparent and mother of many children, I literally yelled her name and ran to her, passing my daughter to her saying she had choked and to please do something… I’d never been so desperate in my like. She knew exactly what to do and she tuned my daughter downward and she slapped her back 5 – 8 times and then on the ground dropped the piece of lemon (about the size of a grape) I was in utter shock, and then had that incredible feeling of relief, gratefulness…but then felt so disappointed, angry and horrified that I didn’t know what to do in that instance. Although I was so grateful I was able to find someone to help, god knows what I would have done if she wasn’t there, I hope to believe my gut instinct would have kicked in and I would have saves her life if I had to… but what if I couldn’t !? This keeps playing in my mind…what if I didn’t her her struggling and pooped out if the room for a minute or two !? I keep torturing myself with all the what if’s and so fourth. I feel utter guilt, and I’ve never loved my baby girl or held her so close to me as i did tonight, I didn’t want to let her go, and I feel now so worried as she sleeps. I don’t usually pray but I said a prayer tonight and thanked god and I have the utmost respect for my colleague who knew what to do at that exact moment. I have enrolled at a first aid course especially for children, and I will now be so vigilant with what I let my children eat or play with… silly me. So stupid for a split second could have cost my babys life. It’s a positive step to improving as a mum and not being so complacent or have the “she’ll be right” attitude. Thanks so much for your post, I don’t feel so alone now, although I know this happens so often to many of us it just felt so frickin scary and isolating for that very moment. Best wishes to you all X
Jess, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I had every single one of those same feelings. I felt so much guilt that I didn’t know what to do. I mean, I always made sure my babysitters were CPR/BLS certified but I didn’t hold myself to the same standard. I am SO GLAD your baby girl is okay. And the way that colleague knew just what to do is how you will be soon. I felt a million times better after taking the course & getting trained on how to respond. It’s been just over a year for me and I am going to take a refresher soon because #mombrain keeps us so overworked & juggling too much in our heads at once and I want to sharp on what to do. Just know that it can happen to any of us — and as you can see from the comments, it has happened to SO MANY of us. It’s not just you. I’m right there with you. And I’m grateful for the scare (thank god it was just a scare) because now I know better & can do better. I don’t just leave the room & throw in a load of laundry when they’re eating like I used to. I know more of the main choking hazards now. I’m so much more prepared. And you will be, too. Hang in there, Mama. You’re doing a great job & your daughter is lucky to have you. ❤️❤️❤️
As a peds nurse and a mom, this is SO SO IMPORTANT. I truly feel like every parent should take a BLS/CPR class. I have to take one every 2 years for my job, but I had my husband take one before our son was born. We also practice baby-led weaning and had a choking incident at the beginning of our journey. When that situation happens, you need to be able to go into emergency autopilot. Having a BLS course under your belt allows that to happen. I’m so glad you’ve shared this and are so open about it. It gave me the courage to share my experience as well. Thank you!
Yes yes yes! You are so right about being able to go into “emergency autopilot” as you put it. I am looking forward to taking a refresher just so the method and correct reaction stay at the front of my mind. Once you see your child choke, you never unsee it. And I want to do everything I can to never see it again. ❤️
My son is 9, I have always been so cautious about him choking and at 9 I still cut his grapes in half!
A week ago, he choked on a piece of meat, I still cut up his meat for him, After a couple hard hits on the back it came back up. His poor face looking absolutely terrified. He was sitting still and not taking large bites, his always been careful with food, thanks to my anxiety..
since he choked I have become petrified of when he eats. I will literally stare at him the whole time he eats, I can’t eat my own food till his done. Any sound or movement he makes I will actually start shaking, he even tells me to stop stressing so much now.
Thank you for this post, my husband is CPR and first aid trained but I am now going to go do my course.
I would like to know how you mumma’s moved forward with the crippling anxiety after your child choked?
I know how terrifying it is to witness your child choke, but I am so glad your son is okay. It truly is a miracle, and I feel the same about my son. Honestly, the thing that helped me the most was getting trained in CPR/Basic Lifesaving Skills. I felt so much more comfortable knowing how to respond and what to do if it happened again. I actually “think” about it happening again and how I would respond fairly often. Soon I want to take a refresher course just to keep me comfortable in it, because are so overloaded 24/7 as Moms and I don’t want to ever forget what to do. I am still scared about both of mine choking and I know what you mean about every single noise they make. But, I remind myself that choking is silent and if they are making noise they are okay. I still remind mine to take bites, sit down when eating, and be careful probably 300 times a day. (#momlife) Hang in there, Mama. It will get better — it just happened a week ago! It’s still so fresh. But I do recommend getting trained as soon as you can because it will not only prepare you but also I think it will help ease your anxiety because you’ll know what to do if it were to ever happen again. Or at least it did for me. ❤️❤️
After reading these comments I find myself reliving the experience over again with tears in my eyes.
Two weeks ago today, my 3 year old daughter choked on a small grape. The guilt is overwhelming!! I know better. Even though it was small and she was right next to me and eating with her older step siblings. It happened so fast yet as someone else pointed out.. time seemed at a standstill. I relate so much to what everyone said. I KNOW BETTER. I am paranoid and over cautious… how could I let this happen??
The look on her face was one of total fear and there was only silence. I felt my heart and stomach drop and I quickly remember saying to my fiance Jon.. “help bella” I held her hand as I felt totally helpless and scared. She is my life.. how could this be happening?
Fortunately, my fiance new exactly what to do ( as I froze) threw her forward and hitting her back. He had it out in what felt like minutes but was about 15 seconds. She cried in my arms and fell asleep while clutching her comforter and I wept. Grateful her life had been saved but so angry with myself.
I wish I can say things got better but they didnt. For the first week everything with Bella was as if nothing happened . We discussed what happened and agreed it was scary. She went back to eating as normal. (Minus my paranoia and basically making everything the size of 1/8 a Grape.. everything)
A week later she slowly stopped eating even her favourites. She would only eat yogurt and ice cream… even that has gotten worse and she will only have baby pouches or smoothies/ juice.
I have spoke to Doctors, pharmacists, friends, her teachers and everyone tells me it will pass in time and just treat her normal and eat our meals with her the same. I feel.helpless and sad and as though I have failed her. If anyone has ANY suggestions I would be so grateful.
Oh Mama, you brought me to tears. Because I know how terrifying it is to witness your child choking like you did and all your thoughts sound exactly like all of mine about myself and being a cautious Mom, etc. Thank God she is okay. And thank God your fiance knew what to do! I don’t really have any suggestions on how to help her move forward now, but just from being a Mom I would say I think time will be the key, just like everyone else said. She might just really be internalizing it and scared to eat because she doesn’t want it to happen again. I bet/hope with a little time she’ll move back to her normal foods and feel more comfortable. In general when my kids stop eating something suddenly, I just continue to offer it even though they may not eat it 10x in a row, on the 11th time suddenly they’re gobbling it up again. Hang in there, Mama. Wish I had more to offer. ❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this article. I am that paranoid momma evaluating everything I give my baby girl and if I do I cut everything tiny my mom and family are against it and they criticize me for not giving my 16 month this and that but it’s not worth it. It’s not worth risking her little life just to make other people happy. Like that other momma said they have their full life ahead of them to try everything and anything so for now I’ll proudly be the helicopter mom. Thank you for this post I’m so glad I’m not alone in this fear/phobia for months I’d think maybe I’m doing something wrong I messed her up maybe something is wrong with me for being to careful but seeing this post reminded you can never be to careful. Thank you again and God Bless you and your little ones ❤️❤️❤️
You said it perfectly Mama: It’s not worth risking your child’s little life. You’re so right, and that is exactly how I feel, too. I know it’s hard to have people (especially family) critiquing or criticizing the decisions you make. It could make you second guess yourself but don’t let it. YOU DO YOU, MAMA. Because you know what is best for your little girl. Let the rest be background noise. You are most definitely not alone in worrying about this and your child. It’s like you said — they do have the rest of their lives to eat all these things. There is no rush. I’ll be co-pilot of your helicopter because I feel the same way. ❤️❤️
Thank you all for sharing. It happened to me 2 days ago, my daughter is 11 months old. I usually lookup every thing she eats to make sure it’s age appropriate and cut or cooked correctly. I have seen a friend of mine give her daughter radishes and I decided to give it a try (did not even look it up) I don’t know how I thought it was even an option! I held it in my hand while she bit from the whole thing and seemed to enjoy it. So 2 days ago it was time for lunch and I did not have a lot of options for her so I just took a radish and cut it in 6, 1 of the pieces was too small.. I have been working from home and was working while she was eating in front of me. I looked at her and her facial expression changed, her eyes were big and watery and she was chocking! I took her out of her chair called for my husband who was luckily very close to where I was standing and turned her around and started hitting her back but nothing changed. My husband grabbed her and started hitting her back harder and gave her CPR, he had taken a CPR class at work and I hadn’t. I called 911 hysterically and got stuck repeating my street address 5 times before I gave them the complete addrress.. the whole thing took 1 minute but it felt like forever. My mind kept saying that I lost her, it’s over, she is gone, I am over, I made this happen.. she threw up several times across the kitchen floor until the stuck piece came out. The moment that happened, she just turned her head and looked at us with a smile and it’s time to play expression like nothing happened… I saw the piece that fell out and it was too small, anyone would have known it’s dangerous, I was so relieved my husband saved her and that he was there. He has been very supportive and told me that it happens and that I had to be more careful in the future which helped me hold it together. But now everytime she eats or coughs I freakout. I told my mom what happened and she gave me a hard time about the radish so I decided to lookup radishes and the results was that they are a high risk chocking food not to be given to babies under 12. I did not sleep after reading that. This was 100% my fault and I could have lost my baby from such a silly mistake and bad judgement. This is still very recent and I know I will have it together again but it’s just so hard to know that a silly decision made me put my daughter’s life at risk.
Carla, thank gosh your baby girl is okay! I’ve been right where you are and I know how terrifying it is to witness your child choking and the possibility that you might lose them. It’s been over a year since my son choked and I still “see” it all the time. Once you see your child choke, you can’t unsee it. It is definitely haunting, but experiencing that scare has helped me learn more and do better. We all are out here doing the best we can, do not beat yourself up over it. My son choked on a piece of candy I chose to give him, too. I was full of guilt over it for so long. But, we’re only human and now I will (hopefully) never make that mistake again. You sound like a wonderful Mother, and you and your husband did everything right in helping her–in SAVING her. She is lucky to have such alert and loving parents. This experience will probably shape the way you move forward with certain aspects of your parenting, in the best way. It sure did that for me. Now I don’t think twice about not allowing my young kids to eat popcorn during movie day at school. A crowded room of young children munching on popcorn in the dark? Especially when we know choking is silent. No way. I never would’ve thought about that before. I’m thankful to know better now so I can be better and do better. And I’m thankful you and I had choking scares and not a sad ending. Hang in there, Mama. ❤️❤️
My son has had issues with food and choking for as long as I can remember. He’s almost 5 and ready to start school next year, but just last week he choked. He was coughing and gagging and it would not move; the cracker was lodged. I was at home with him; didn’t have work and no one else was with me. I shouted his name, my hands shaking and I’m crying. I hit him on the back hard a few times, trying to remember my first aid training. No matter how much training you’ve had, you can never be prepared when it happens.
I’m always vigilant, he’s vigilant because he remembers! He remembers the times he has choked. He knows that he won’t eat apples with the skin on because he’ll choke. He won’t have hard candy or popcorn because it can hurt. He will tell me he needs a drink next to him because he’s scared of choking. It’s happened so many times, I’ve lost count. Doctors have said its because his tonsils are slightly big, but they won’t remove them.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m crying as I’m writing this because I’m so thankful to god that he’s still here, but how much more careful can I be? He choked on a rice cracker. I thought it would be safe for him to eat. The educators at his kindergarten give them to him everyday. My anxiety is affecting me more and I don’t want to send him to kinder because I’m so paranoid now. I work full time, so its not like I have the luxury of not sending him.
We’ll be seeing a specialist soon, but what if I don’t get any answers?
This choking incident was the worst that he has had. It has put me off on having a second child. I feel so helpless and don’t know what to do.
What can I do? I feel like I’m failing him. I almost lost my baby boy.
You’re NOT failing him. If anything, you’re doing the exact opposite—you’re saving him. Thank God he has you. You’re searching for answers, going to see a specialist, talking to his doctors, doing your research—you’re doing every single thing you possibly can. Do not beat yourself up. ❤️ I know you’ve got to be at your wits end. I would be, too. Any of us would be! Just the emotional toll alone of carrying that anxiety and worry with you day in & day out….and I totally understand your fears about school. I relate to that very much, because no one watches our kids like we do, right? I think going to see a specialist is a great next step. Maybe it could be something like esophageal stricture, dysmotility, or esophagitis…I know both my husband and my brother-in-law frequently get food stuck. Hang in there! Your son is lucky to be yours. ❤️
Oh my…. I’ve never realized how much that incident affected me and my parenting style untill I sit here now, tear soaked face. I’m a stay at home Dad… I’m a typical dude and emotions are hard to gather much less put into words. Needless to say I havent until now had to relive that short moment I’ve stuffed away… but it has caused havoc in my relationship due to the mother thinking I’m trying to control her through my suggested request for my sons safety when I’m not able to first hand make sure of them. I probably should send her your story to speak for me cause me tryjng to explain “whys” with her has been somehow flipped on me as well. 😞. Thanks for your post, it has reached that one person who TRUELY NEEDED IT.
Oh, my heart hurts for you. For so many reasons. I know how terrifying it is to witness your child choking. And you’re so right — it does completely affect your parenting style moving forward. Did the same to me, in a big way. I hate it for you that you have tension with the mama over suggestions you make for safety, etc. That’s really tough. I make safety suggestions to my husband and my parents & anyone who is around my children all the time–and they do the same for me when I may not be being as careful about something I should. It’s not a critique on anyone’s parenting style, it’s just that you know and saw how quickly it happens & how suddenly your whole world could change. And it makes you do and think about things differently. (I mean, I even contacted my kid’s school to let them know mine couldn’t have popcorn on movie day & I would send something else in. I never thought I would be “that” mom. But, I know that in a dark room filled with kids, it’s unlikely a teacher would be able to realize a kid might be choking and react in time. After all, choking is silent as we learned the hard way.) All I can say is, I get it. And I feel for you. And I’m so so glad your child is okay. And don’t stop speaking up. You’d rather rub someone the wrong way than risk losing your child. Even the Mom. Hang in there, Dad. ❤️
My son choked two days ago. He is 5. He choked on a hotdog. Completely..no air, no sound, just tears and terror. I do have CPR training. I DO know what to do. I gave him Heimlich, it didnt work. I bent him over my knees and hit his back, it didnt work. He was turning blue. He was going limp. I told myself, you are running out of time. You HAVE to get this out. One more time, with all of my strength, I did Heimlich again, (I thought I was going to break his ribs) and it came out. We fell to the kitchen floor, him in my arms both crying. The relief was met with anger in myself. I made mistakes. I thought I was screaming but my partner says I didnt make a sound. My oldest daughter was SCREAMING “save my brother” as I was doing everything I possibly could to save his life. And I almost didnt. 911 was on the way, but that may not have even saved him. I am completely traumatized and I dont know how to continue living normally. It plays in my head like a movie and I will never recover I feel. Im left with crippling fear and I dont know how to move on. Saving a life doesnt have to be perfect, it just has to be enough. And it almost wasnt. How do I live normally again? It feels impossible.
Sorry, I meant, I put him in my arms, head down and did back blows. Not on shoulders.
I needed to read this today. My 8 month old son choked yesterday on a minced beef which I originally wanted to blend before giving. And because he was crying because of hunger (I didn’t know they do get so desperate for food until the health visitor mentioned to me earlier in the morning when I had him weighed) so I gave in and started feeding, which is my biggest regret. I am so guilty, my poor baby, my sweet boy who suffered such because of my negligence. When it happened, I took him out of the high chair, put on my shoulders with his head down and I did 3 back blows, he was still coughing silently, and when I checked him again, he was floppy with bluish lips, gave another 3 back blows then I reached for my mobile to call 999, while watching him, his eyes lit. Thanks God. He was shocked. My poor little thing, it breaks my heart remembering it. I am very guilty. It breaks my heart. I am so happy my baby is okay. We went to A&E to have him checked as advised by 999 because I called to seek medical advice. He is okay. I am very much grateful that I am nurse by profession and I know how to save someone with choking but still, I hated the experience with my baby. It was terrifying.
Thank you for this article. I needed this today.
I cried reading your comment. Because I remember what it felt like. How scary it was and how guilty I felt because I was the one who had given him what he choked on. I get it, Mama. Thank God you saved him. I am so relieved you were able to get it up. I know how terrified you had to be. Lucky baby boy that his Mama rose to the occasion like you did. You saved your son. Focus on that. Because that is miraculous. And I know I’m saying not to beat yourself up over it, but I also want to say that I get it and I know you’re going to and that’s just part of it. I did, too. Still do every time I think about it. Hold him tight and take a breath, Mama. It can and does happen to anybody. Even a nurse like you. Even the most careful Mama. Sending so much love. ❤️❤️
I am so glad your son is okay. It happened to my 10 month old baby girl today (she’s my one and only, I’m not planning on having another), and I’m a NURSE. It was by far the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’ve been involved in some fairly dreadful situations. Even though I’m generally pretty careful and practice attachment parenting, I will sheepishly admit to being a little more lax than what my anxiety would normally allow, often due to sleep deprivation and a little bit of postpartum depression/restlessness. I’ll run into another room to grab my phone, I’ll work while she’s playing, etc.. She is the Usain Bolt of crawlers–I love her high energy and spirit, but it makes her more prone to the usual bumps. Today, she was seated beneath me, playing with a teething toy while I was putting a product in my hair. I took my eyes away from her for literally five seconds. In that time, she crawled over toward the toilet and picked up something beside it that I hadn’t seen when I was cleaning. As I said, I’m a nurse. I would like to believe that I would react rationally to the situation, I’ve been trained. But I’m not a pediatric nurse and this was MY BABY. Panic set in–I know how little time you have to achieve a clear airway, and my sweet little baby girl looked terrified. I grabbed her and started hitting her on her back with her head down, hard enough to make me cringe because I knew it likely hurt her little body–and eventually she swallowed it. I called 911 and was absolutely hysterical. I let my baby choke, I looked away. She deserves better than that, someone to keep her safe–instantly all of the memories of every bump and bruise ambushed me. I am still sick over it. Her X-rays were clear, but my poor baby was miserable and afraid. It happened so fast. I knew parenting would be scary, but god. I don’t think I could go on if anything ever happened to her. I have to continue to be a parent, there are no breaks, but god, I wanted to curl up and just sob. I am now afraid to be alone with her. One act of carelessness almost cost me everything.
Kindall. Omg Mama, I am bawling reading your comment. Because I can relate so hard. I know how quickly it happens. And I know the guilt. Thank god both our babies are okay and we ultimately had a warning and not a tragedy. It could’ve so easily been the other way around. I beat myself up over it, too. And still do. I just couldn’t believe 1) that it actually happened to me/my child and 2) that I was the one who thought it was okay to give him the candy he choked on. Me. I made that decision. And it was the wrong one. We all do the very best we can. So we really shouldn’t beat ourselves up over things as hard as we do. But these are our babies and EVERYTHING is at stake. I get it. Last week, I took my eyes off my 2 year old daughter for 5 seconds at a confined play area. She managed to sneak out a locked door when someone else came in and she could’ve been gone forever before I even realized she wasn’t in the little play kitchen. Again, my fault. I couldn’t get over it for days. Just another reminder to myself of how I need to watch them even closer. It’s easy to let our guards down. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Mama. Show yourself some grace. You sound like a wonderful Mother. ♥️
First I just want to say how sorry I am that you had to experience such a thing but so glad your son is ok!! Reading your article was like you were reading my mind. Fortunately I have not had such an experience but it is something that tortures me daily. I have a daughter that just turned 5 and a 3 1/2 year old. Every time I have to leave them with someone I am tortured by the thought of things that could happen. Just like you said I don’t want my kids eating with sitters. I’m terrified every time I leave….even though I know it could happen with me there too. I still cut grapes in half and like you in half again if I think it’s still too big…hot dogs cut down the middle….no popcorn if I can help it! I can’t even tell you how many times a day I say chew good, one at a time and small bites. And I don’t see stopping any of this in the near future. It’s comforting to know I’m not overreacting with these foods and /or this topic. Some people give me the vibe like it’s ok to let my kids have these things and lighten up but IM NOT COMFORTABLE WITH IT!!! They have their entire lives to experience everything….they can live without popcorn for now. I don’t judge what other parents give their kids….I just know what I’m not comfortable with and it is from stories I was told at a CPR first aid class. I’m glad I heard the things i did because It made me smarter. And I also feel like my kids now know certain things they should lot eat and will come to me saying can I have this? Or turning down a particular food somewhere saying I’m not allowed to have that. Prayers to everyone and thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your support & sweetest words of encouragement. I mean it, it means so much to me. I am just like you–super careful & cautious. We are all just doing the best we can & we know what is right for us & our kids. No shame in my Mom game! If that means I’m a helicopter Mom, then I’ll be the Pilot (I just posted a meme about this other day in fact 😛 ). Be proud of the Mom you are & don’t let anyone make you feel differently. I don’t do popcorn anymore, either. And I agree with you so much — they have the rest of their lives to have all those things. We don’t need to rush them! You sound like a wonderful Mother. Keep on doing what you’re doing. You got this.
I usually don’t leave comments but your post made me cry. I lost my 8-month old baby girl last August. It was not due to choking but I still feel reponsible and the guilt is always there.
I have a 4 year old boy and a 5 year old girl, and they are the ones that keep us going.
I’m vey happy for you that it was just a scare for you. Things happen so so fast.
I am like you, I don’t let the kids out of my sight. My husband actually stays home with them because we didn’t feel comfortable with daycare or other people watching them for that long.
And it still happened, my worse nightmare.
Do take the CPR and first aid class, they are very helpful. I had taken them already a few years ago and re-certified last year after what happened.
God bless you!
Lili, my heart is broken for you. I really and truly cannot imagine. I’m so, so sorry. I know losing your daughter will forever be the heartbreak of your life. It is any parent’s worst nightmare and my heart aches for you. I lost my brother several years ago and it has been the biggest heartbreak for me….I look at my parents and cannot even fathom how many pieces their hearts are in. I’m so sorry, Mama. I understand about your son & daughter keeping you going, and I can assure you that they need you and always will. <3 I am taking a CPR/first aid class next week & wish I had done it sooner. Thank you so much for sharing your story and know that I am sending light & love your way, Mama. <3
My child also choked. My daughter was 4 at the time, eating with our family at the dinner table and she choked on a piece of fresh pineapple. Her eyes got large, she became still and made no noise. Fortunately I am CPR and first aid trained, which is required for my job as an Occupational Therapist but I never had needed to use the Heimlich maneuver before. I immediately recognized what it was, jumped up from the table before my husband even knew what was happening, began back blows but nothing, then I just instinctively did the Heimlich and within two hard thrusts, out popped the pineapple onto the table. My daughter was shocked and said for a few days her stomach was sore from the thrusts I did, but I did save her life. Thank you for posting your story and expressing the need for parents to become trained in first aid and CPR. I made my husband get certified when I was pregnant. I wish it was something included as training for parents at the hospital, and I also wish OBGYNs would discuss it prenatally.
Reading your message made my heart stop, Michelle. The way you described how your daughter looked is exactly how my son looked. And same age & all. How lucky she is to have a Mama who is an OT and trained like you. You saved your baby’s life & were able to recognize what was happening immediately. Incredible. Like you, I so wish there was a push and some awareness for parents to be trained in first aid & CPR, too. We are the ones with them the majority of the time, so it only makes sense…and yet, most of us aren’t unless we need to be trained for work. I took an infant CPR class when pregnant with my first, but that was 5 years ago and also, though some of the basics might still apply (the back blows were the thing that popped into my mind in the moment), I no longer have infants. I have a toddler and a child, and I was not/am not prepared for something like what happened. I am taking a CPR/LSS skills class next week. I also couldn’t agree with you more about the OBGYNs touching on it as well. You are a great Mama. Thank you for the solidarity, Mama. It means the world.
I just came across the product called LifeVac. We bought a kit for the house and one for each car. I also sent links to all of my friends, family, and the preschool and daycare we use. Learn the heimlich and have some back up tools (including what I would do if choking while hubby is at work and I’m home with my kiddos).
Thank you for your honesty. I am so worried about this and nothing seems to help me truly feel better. I am both happy and sad to know that I am not alone with this fear. Thank God your baby is okay.
Tami, we think alike. I’d love to know what you think about the LifeVac seeing it in person. I definitely want to do the same & get an emergency device like that for my house, my mom’s house, our preschool, my car, etc. etc. I have come across the LifeVac and the deChoker and I’ve been reading up on them both. Anything we can do to be a little more prepared in a situation like this….I’m all in. I am taking my CPR/LSS class next week and you are so right to think about us needing to be prepared if it happens to us and no one is home. Thank you. Thank you for the love & support — it means so much.
My six month old daughter at the time choked on one of those puffs. I think it just got lodged in her throat weird maybe .?. Of course it would have eventually dissolve and she would have been okay I’m hoping but I was the scariest 2 minutes of my life. I walk to the sink to rinse off her teether Im not even gone for 10 seconds and when I walked back I saw the look on her face and she definitely wasn’t breathing her face was turning redder and redder until I could tell that she had something stuck in her mouth (realzing her puff got stuck) and I started hitting her back over and over and she still wasn’t making any noise or breathing in her eyes were starting to water really bad saddest expression I’ve ever seen and then I finally just flung her over my shoulder and hit her back one last really hard time and then I heard a gasp of air come out of her…. I DO NOT BUY PUFFS NOW . I use the teething wafers now thank god my precious girls ok. She is my first. And only. I will be more careful as she gets older cause of this post
Laura, thank you for sharing your own experience with me. I’m so sorry you went through that with your baby girl. I now know how terrifying an experience like the ones both you and I had is and how it shakes you to your core. You did good to get it out, Mama. But I know you’ll always remember it just like I know I will never forget my terror and feeling so helpless, too. We try to do everything right and we all think puffs are the “safe option.” I’m so glad you shared this, it makes me think twice, too. Thank you for the ♥️ and solidarity.
Choking has always been a phobia of my own. I swear I choked to death in a past life – that’s how much of a fear I carry around with me. I was so nervous with my first and choking and became a little more lax now with my second but I will never stop worrying about this happening to them. And it’s so funny because I can totally relate to that mom gut instinct and now I know I need to listen more and go with it.. there’s a reason I came across this article and I’m so sorry you experienced this because I was in tears just reading it. But what you can take from it is exactly what you’re doing, educating and preparing yourself if you’re ever in a similar situation (I hope to god not) in the future. Deep breaths mama you’re doing a wonderful job this could happen to any one of us.. much love to you and those little babes 💛💛
Same for me, Mama. I’ve always been so scared about choking. I’m so careful, too, and yet I know I’ve relaxed about things as I’ve gotten more comfortable in Motherhood. Like I’ve let mine eat popcorn for a couple years but it took reading another Mama’s post about almost losing her son to a piece of popcorn to wake me up. We all do the very best we can and I just hope this can make another Mama think twice like the mom with the popcorn did for me. I just registered for a CPR/life-saving skills class. I hope to God there’s no next time, too, but I want to be better prepared just in case. Thank you for the love, it means the world to me. ♥️
Me too—almost exactly my story. 💓 so many of my peers do baby led weaning and it hasn’t felt ok with me. So I’m following my gut and going more slowly with purées.
I was Team Puree/Pouch all the way too, Briana. They have the rest of their lives to have “real” food. Pouches & purees are easy & fun, my kids still love applesauce & yogurt pouches to this day! (and prunes, ha!) You do you, Mama. ❤️ Following our mom gut is one of the best things we can do.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have a been in a similar situation with my daughter. She was 16 months. She was sitting on my lap eating chunks of pear that I cut up for her. I am also a super cautious mommy, and despite that, bad things still happen! This was not her first time eating pear and she wasn’t moving or playing, just sitting. It happens so fast! Fortunately, I am trained in CPR, and didn’t have to use it. I gave her back blows like crazy and the pear never came out, but she did start breathing again. A paramedic checked her out to ensure the pear was not in her lungs, but after the whole ordeal, I also broke down. I could not stop crying thinking about how something I did could have turned out so much worse. Every parent sure be required to be certified in CPR so they can be prepared if it happens to their child.
Lexie, thank you for sharing your story, too. I’m so sorry you went through that with your daughter. So terrifying. We try to do it all right. And you did it right — cut up pears, something she’d had before, sitting still — it just shows how easily it can happen. I’m so thankful it was a scare for you and me both, and not a tragedy. But now I know I need to get trained in some life-saving skills so I can be prepared if there is ever a next time, which I hope with all my heart there’s not. And thank you for the ♥️ and solidarity, Mama. To hear that even someone trained in CPR had it happen & broke down afterward makes me feel not alone. Thank you ♥️
This is my nightmare. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine how tough that must have been to write. I have been guilty of giving popcorn etc., but no more. Not worth it at all. Thank you
Thank you so much for the love & support. I really mean it. ♥️ We all just do the best we can & sometimes hearing other’s experiences can help us. I hope this can be that for other Mamas.