Blog

I’ve written a lot about how I think other Moms are every Mama’s best resource. Especially when it comes to advice for a New Mom.

Seriously, who can prep you for a whole new world better than someone who is already living in that world?

This is Part 2 in my “Best Advice for Moms” series. I should actually say our series—not my series. Because this advice is straight from other Mamas. Other Mamas who are not me.

I’ve always gone to my own Mom & my Mom friends for advice. Honestly, I’ve even asked random mothers in the grocery store for advice before (no shame in my mom game).

My favorite part of this series is that it’s totally “For Moms by Moms.” It comes from all of YOU. I love hearing what worked for you, what helped you, & what saved you.

In case you’re just joining in now, here’s the deal: I quizzed thousands (literally) of my “Mom friends” (via @cmon.mama) for their best advice for a New Mom.

And they dished it out. And then some.

Part 1 was the Best Advice for Moms-to-Be. Part 2 is for all you New Mamas out there (but if you’re still a Mommy-to-Be, it will resonate with you, too. Big Time.)

Next up is Part 3: Best Advice for a Breastfeeding Mom. Followed by Best Advice for a Mom of 2+. And so on. (stay tuned)

This is Part 2: Best Advice for a New Mom.

In no particular order:

When you finally meet your baby, listen to them. They will show you what to do.

Trust your instincts. Don’t let what others say influence how you feel about the decisions you’re making. You are the Mother. You know what’s best for the both of you. Even when you think you don’t.

Don’t listen to anyone’s advice who won’t hold the baby while you shower, cry, sleep or pee.

Don’t hide yourself from pictures even if you aren’t happy with your current physical appearance. You’ll regret it! I personally only have 2 pictures of myself & my son until he was a couple weeks old. One picture is of me changing his diaper for the first time & the other is of us before leaving the hospital. That’s it. I should have gotten in more pictures all this time. If not for myself, at least for him.

Hold your baby as much as you want. No, you can’t spoil a baby by holding them. Hold them like there’s no tomorrow.

Ask for help! It’s okay to not do it all. And you need more breaks than you think! Take a nap or a walk or something that gets your batteries recharged. Let people bring you dinners & pick up some groceries. Whatever they offer—take it. Or flat-out ask for it! Remember that whole saying about how you can’t fill glasses from an empty jug? Fill yourself up.

Don’t be afraid to tell visitors “not today.”

There is no perfect way to do anything. You can ask others for advice but do your own research, too, and decide what works for you & your family. And it’s okay to change your mind. What works for you & your baby one day might change a month later! Or even a minute later.

Accept any help you can get. Even if it’s just enough for a nap, a couple of pages from a book, or a shower. It helps.

Take your plans and throw them out the window! Everything from birth plans to child-rearing plans. Babies change daily and what you imagine it will be like may not be how it ends up. But it usually it ends up being 100 times better!

Enjoy early Motherhood because it goes by way too fast. They say “the days are long but the years are short” and they’re right. Cherish it.

After baby arrives, get someone to ask you about your mental state WEEKLY. Maybe even daily. I had severe postpartum depression with my first and was so blessed to have had people checking in on me. Mental health checks are so important!!!!

• Note: Maybe designate a person or two in advance. I’d never thought of doing that until I read this comment but it just might save your life.

Trust your Mom gut & do what you think is best for your baby! Don’t compare your motherhood journey to others because everyone’s is different!

Never say never. Don’t say you won’t do something because NEWSFLASH! You probably will.

Practice self-love. Stop judging yourself. Give yourself grace….lots & lots of grace.

I think the most important thing to know is that Mom instinct is a real thing. Very real.

Document the moments. You won’t remember the things you think you could never forget.

Don’t overthink your actions. Motherhood is full of insane choices. You could stress yourself to death. Move forward, move on, live on, and enjoy the moments.

My advice is simple: Live in the moment & try to be present. During my pregnancy, I envisioned how I would feel and what I would do to be the best mom I could be. I read books, blogs, talked to everyone in my life, & googled way too much information. I thought I was ready for anything. Then, my son was born! I was overwhelmed by my immediate love for him. All of a sudden my mom instincts kicked in & I became a new person. From then on, I lived in the present—not the future. I forgot most of what I learned during my pregnancy, & my husband and I figured out what worked for us as we went.

It’s ok to leave things unfinished. Get as much rest as you can.

Don’t feel bad asking for help! And when people offer help, take it! It takes a village, and a happy Mama is the first step to a happy baby.

That whole sleep when the baby sleeps. Seriously…DO IT. The laundry, dishes, & other housework can wait. That junk never goes away. Especially laundry. OMG. It never ends.

Enjoy the snuggles. Those do not last forever. I repeat—those do not last forever.

Mom instinct is so real. We just all of a sudden learn how to figure out what our babies need & want. We somehow just “know” how to be a Mom.

Sleep. When. You. Can. Don’t put it off because then you’ll miss your chance.

Mom the way you want to mom & don’t cave in to what you “should” be doing. There is no “should!”

‘Mother guilt’ is BS. Don’t let anyone mom-shame you about any decision you make, whether it’s wanting time for yourself (going out, etc.) or a choice you make about your child.

What no one really tells you is being a mom will come naturally to you as soon as you hold your baby for the first time. There is no way to prepare or understand that until it actually happens. The best comparison I can make is it’s as if a piece of your heart was removed from your body. You hold your baby for the first time & you feel complete & like they were supposed to be there all along. You’ll feel fierce love & protection all at the same time. It’s the most miraculous & terrifying part.

• (Quick note: I felt this way for sure. But I do know Mothers with PPD / PPA may not always feel this way. If something doesn’t feel right to you, tell someone. It doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you a brave one.)

I soaked up advice from all of the moms out there & I went through pregnancies with some of my closest friends. What fascinated me is that everyone has unique experiences with their pregnancy, birth, & how they raise their child. I learned there is no “right way.” There is just the “right way for you & your family.”

Understand that we may never be perfect to ourselves, we’re perfect to our children and our children are perfect to us.

Accept now that there will be days you fail as a mother. No one is a perfect mom. There will also be days you win the freaking championship.

You might not be able to breastfeed. No one really tells you that. And it’s not your fault if you can’t.

My advice, listen to your sister.

• I’m the sister. So this might be my favorite one. 🤣

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to grieve life before motherhood. To grieve the woman you were. Some days you’re going to miss her. Becoming a Mother changes you. It’s okay to sometimes say, “I wish things were as before” or “I want a day to myself.”

My advice is general, but just enjoy the ride! There are highs & lows, hard times & easy times, immense joy followed by immense worry. You’re growing up a child in the way they should go & it’s dang hard work! But, it’s the best work there ever could be! Being a mom is everything.

If you plan to breast feed know that it may take a little bit for milk to come in & producing only 1-2 ounces at a time in the first couple of months is usually the case. Too often women put too much pressure on themselves & think they can’t produce enough. Your body produces more the longer you do this & the more your child feeds.

DO NOT compare yourself to Brenda on social media. Remember that most of what you see online is fake. It’s posted to appear perfect. Karen really isn’t making organic baby food in her kitchen on a daily basis. She found a baby food processor at a resale store, bought it, & tried it once. You’ll find it at her next garage sale. Susan isn’t sewing her kids’ clothes & if she is, I guarantee her children are boycotting them.

On the days you question yourself or when you stumble (which you will),  don’t forget you were chosen to be this little one’s mother. You. You got this.

A bad day doesn’t make you a bad mom.

That’s some good advice for a New Mom. Take it in.

Don’t miss Part 3 in this series: Best Advice for a Breastfeeding Mom. It has amazing breastfeeding tips from other Mamas that I wish I’d known when I was breastfeeding (plus everything you need!).

And before you do anything else check out my OG New Mom article: 14 Things Every New Mom Should get Herself. You need the things on this list, Mama. Trust me. Years later, I still love & use them all.

---

 

What’s YOUR best advice for a New Mom?

 

Like this post? Join MAMA’s email list to get more like this. All things MOMish—the MOMents + MOMfessions, & all the Mama Must-Haves!

PIN IT!

Having a baby changes everything in the most incredible of ways, but these are a few things to do before the baby comes.

This is a Pre-Baby Bucket List, if you will.

Let’s get right to it.

#1 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: ENJOY THUNDERSTORMS

Appreciate thunderstorms now. I’ve always loved a good thunderstorm. The booming thunder, the steady rain, the lightning lighting up the sky. I’ve never minded a rainy day. And I’ve never minded a thunderstorm. That is, until I had a kid and that thunderstorm threatened to wake up my baby I’d worked so hard to get to sleep.

I’m okay with the daytime thunderstorms. But a thunderstorm during nap time? Or soon after bedtime?

NOOOOO.

The crashing thunder & lightning makes me tense as I wait to see if it will stir my child. I can’t relax until it’s over. And to think I used to enjoy them. Sigh.

#2 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: SLEEP

Sleep is not on the list because you’ll never sleep again. It’s because you’ll never sleep soundly again.

I promise, you will sleep. If your babies are good sleepers you may even sleep a lot. But you will never, ever, ever sleep as soundly as you did pre-kids. Mainly because you’ve now developed supersonic hearing and every tiny noise stirs you and you think “my baby!”

So—sleep in, sleep often, sleep late—just sleep. And relish in that total “not a care in the world” type of sleep. Because you’re about to have to say “Bye Felicia” to that.

(And side note: Honestly, the reason Mamas are always tired isn’t just because our kids wear us out. It’s because we stay up late sitting still on the couch and soaking up that precious alone time long after our babies go down. Even though it means we will be more tired the next day. See Exhibit A.)

#3 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: NOTHING

Having children and becoming a Mom is the single most wonderful thing I’ve ever done and will ever do in my whole life. It’s truly my favorite thing in the world.

I’m a SAHM and I’ve never been so happy.

But you really never just do nothing anymore. You’re pretty much always doing something. Even if it’s just worrying your heart out.

#4 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: HAVE MORNING SEX

Ahhh, our formerly preferred time for nookie. It used to be so easy to wake up, roll over (or under) and boom. But now, we sleep until the last possible second and once our kids wake up, we hit the ground running. Sure, we could make time for morning sex. But we almost always choose sleep. (But there’s a silver lining—nap time sex is the new morning sex. At least on the weekends.)

#5 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: APPRECIATE YOUR HAIR

Yes, it can change. Everyone talks about all the ways your body changes after having a baby, but no one warns you about your hair. Sure, people might warn you that you will lose some hair around 4-6 months postpartum but they don’t tell you that your hair texture can change entirely. Yes, the actual texture can change. No one tells you that. They never even mention it.

I used to have naturally really wavy hair. It was borderline curly. I loved it.

It has zero wave now. Tear.

Now my hair is  basically totally straight. And not like the glossy silky straight. Like kind of a nappy straight.

I mentioned this to my hairdresser a few months ago and she said “Oh yeah that can happen.”

UMMMM, hellooooo people?!! How about a heads up on stuff like this?

The things we do for our children. Like give up our natural waves.

#6 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: LOVE YOUR BODY

This one is obvious because you’ve heard it from every person you know.

But don’t just appreciate how your body is/was before having babies. Appreciate it during and after. Because a woman’s body is a remarkable thing. An absolute powerhouse if you will. It will not only carry a baby—it will also carry you through amazing things.

But also…yeah, appreciate it before.

Because it will be different. And that’s okay.

But you know all that talk about how you don’t know what you’ll miss until it’s gone?

Well, I’m trying to warn you. You’ll miss some stuff about your bod. So appreciate all your stuff now.

#7 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: BE SPONTANEOUS

Oh, to be spontaneous.

But don’t worry, you can still be spontaneous with 5-7 days advance notice so you can find a trustworthy baby sitter.

#8 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: SAVE MONEY

We used to have “extra” money…ish. But people aren’t kidding when they say having children is expensive. Even just diapers are expensive.

But one of our big expenses—and totally by choice—is babysitters. We value date nights (they help me avoid mom burnout) but boy do they suck away our moolah. Enjoy not spending double the money on date night to pay for a sitter while you can.

#9 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: EAT & DRINK WHATEVER YOU WANT

Once you have a kid, you think about their health & safety 24/7. And while you’re growing a child, you’re thinking about their health & safety as a direction extension of you—because that’s exactly what it is. What you eat, they eat. What you drink, well you get the gist.

I never used to think too much about what I put into my body. I have a sweet tooth, I’d eat junk food when I wanted (and still do)…BUT, being pregnant made me think twice (or 20x) about the kind of food I ate. And when I was breastfeeding, same same. You want to give your baby the best from Day One. And when you’re pregnant, Day One is the day you find out you’re expecting.

Sure, I’d have a glass of wine when I was in my 3rd trimester. I’d have a drink or two when breastfeeding. And I never pumped & dumped, but that was because I never overdid it. I was extremely conscientious about what I put in my body before, during, and after pregnancy.

Enjoy the sushi & the wine & the brie. NOW.

#10 Thing to do Before the Baby Comes: FEEL CAREFREE

With Motherhood comes the most epic and huge responsibility in the world: keeping another human being safe and healthy. A tiny human being who is totally dependent on you. That’s heavy stuff. You’ll carry that with you every day, everywhere. The worry for your children never leaves you. Not even when your kids are grown (just ask your Mom).

So, while you don’t have the weight of the well-being of your child on you, enjoy feeling light & carefree.

You’ll look at everything with a Mother’s eyes, mind & heart once you become one. I never used to think twice about hopping on a plane & jetting across the world before having a baby. Now, you basically have to drag me on the plane. Not because I don’t want to go, but because I’m insanely scared to fly since becoming a Mom.

True Story: I wanted to feel light & carefree so badly after having my first child that my husband and I went to a jump/trampoline park and jumped all around like little kids. It felt so good, even if it wasn’t the smartest idea for a woman who had recently given birth. (Hello, testing the limits of bladder control).

Still, it felt good.

There you have it. 10 things to do before the baby comes.

Now, go sleep late and then have spontaneous morning sex during a thunderstorm with your naturally amazing hair all over the place. And then let your beautiful body lay there and do nothing without a care in the world & a padded bank account.

Because you can.

---

 

What’s on your list of things to do before the baby comes? Tell me your pre-baby bucket list in the comments.

 

---

Did you catch the “Best Advice for a…Mom” Series? It’s the best advice for Moms from other Moms.

Don’t miss Parts 1-3 in this series: Best Advice for a Mom-to-Be, Best Advice for a New Mom, & Best Advice for a Breastfeeding Mom.

Want more on Pregnancy & New Mom life? —> How about my ultimate baby registry list? Or my hospital bag checklist?

What about the sweetest Storybook Baby Shower I threw for my sister?

 

Like this post? Join MAMA’s email list to get more like this. All things MOMish—the MOMents + MOMfessions, & all the Mama Must-Haves!

PIN IT!