I’m a Stay at Home Mom and I love it. And I mean love it.
I didn’t expect to.
I had no clue I’d love being home all day with my little ones. But I really, really do.
Motherhood as a whole is so many things. It’s beautiful and impossible and perfect and overwhelming and hilarious and never-ending. It’s glorious and insane all at once. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted and yet way more than you can handle.
Honestly, Motherhood is a way of life.
Best. Job. Ever.
And being a Stay at Home Mom?
I think it’s the best job in the whole world. Now that I know what it’s like to be present for all the daily moments with my children, I couldn’t not be there for them. I would sell everything I own to keep this job. It’s not for everyone. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay. But, it’s totally for me.
Yes, your days can sometimes feel like you’re the star of Groundhog Day. It can feel monotonous. Sometimes you feel like you’re on a hamster wheel you can’t seem to get off of but then when you finally you do get off it, you miss it.
It’s a special and unique thing to be a Stay at Home Mom. There’s much more to it than meets the eye. And ear.
Because at the end of the day—
It looks like healthy and happy kids and a still-standing house.
It sounds like “It was good, how was yours?” when your spouse asks how your day was.
But oh, there’s so much more.
A fellow Mama recently asked me, “Do you work inside or outside of the home?” BOOM. That Mama gets it. She didn’t ask me if I stayed at home. She asked me if I worked at home. I hugged her. And I almost kissed her.
I’ll yell it from the rooftops and I bet every Mother out there will yell back in agreement with me—raising & caring for children is a full-time job.
And this isn’t a debate about Stay at Home Moms or Career Moms (both are rockstars).
This is about the sheer amount of love, energy, work and patience it takes to raise children. The fact is, whether you’re staying at home and taking care of your children or you’re going to work and they’re in school or daycare, someone is taking care of them. All day long. So, I’ll say it again—it’s a full-time job.
With overtime.
Hours. Not pay.
And despite the insane amount of energy & effort it takes to keep these little human beings happy, healthy, thriving & growing, a funny thing happens when someone asks us this one simple question:
“What’d you do today?”
Huh.
That’s like the most loaded question ever.
You don’t know what to say.
But why? Why don’t you know what to say?
Why is it hard for a Stay at Home Mom to answer that?
I’ll tell you why.
You don’t even know where to possibly begin.
Because when you’re a Stay at Home Mom, there is a strange dichotomy of feeling like you have gotten nothing done while simultaneously feeling like you are doing everything.
And you’re right. On both accounts. Because while you are checking very few things off your “to do” list, you’re also keeping actual human beings alive and all the wheels in motion for whatever they need to be in motion for. So the truth is, you’re getting everything done while somehow also getting nothing done. And that’s an odd thing to come to terms with.
“What’d you do today?”
You want to say “Everything.” You want to recount every moment & detail of work you did the entire day just to prove (mostly to yourself) how much you accomplished, but you’re way too exhausted to do that (from all that hard work, duh). You want to share every magically sweet moment and milestone, no matter how big or tiny, but there were a million and you don’t even know where to begin. And you want to say you basically achieved the impossible in taking care of all the people and all the things.
Or maybe you want to say “Nothing.” Because all you managed to do that day was reheat your coffee 11 times and hold your fussy baby, maybe it feels like you did nothing. Maybe because you let the kids watch movies all day so you could pay some bills and clean the house you feel like you weren’t on your Mom “A” game that day. Maybe because you didn’t do anything measurable it feels like you didn’t do anything important.
So 99% of the time a Stay at Home Mom’s answer to “What’d you do today?” sounds something like this:
“I took care of some things.”
Or my go-to: “I TCB’d.” [Took Care of Business]
And God forbid, sometimes you might even answer: “Not much.”
BUT THAT IS A LIE.
Because that’s not the full story. That’s not even like the Epilogue of the story. That’s more like one sentence in a 37,682 page book.
“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Well guess what?
You can’t judge a Stay at Home Mom’s day by it’s cover either.
Because what it looks like and what it sounds like don’t give even close to the full story. And honestly, unless you’re living it, even hearing all the details of the day is still just the Cliff Notes version.
It looks like children who are okay and a home that is miraculously in one piece.
It sounds like “I ran some errands & got some things done I’ve been trying to do.”
But here’s what a Stay at Home Mom’s day—and life—really is:
It’s waking up as your Supermom alter ego and turning that fierce & loving Mama spirit all the way up when you hear that first peep from your child. No matter the time.
It’s protecting little humans that realistically spend a good portion of every day actively testing the boundaries of life and death and doing 117 things an hour that are guaranteed to end in a booboo.
And then it’s kissing and “fixing” those booboos that you saw coming 20 miles away.
It’s keeping little (and big) tummies fed and full and happy.
It’s trying your damndest to sort out fads from real nutrition and buy the healthiest stuff possible for your kids. Feeding them and feeding you probably looks totally different. I’ll snack on Combos from the gas station any day of the week, but you better believe my kids are eating Annie’s snacks because I feel like those are healthier and if you mom-shame me or tell me they aren’t I’m going to cry right here right now because I’ve been buying that stuff for 6 years.
It’s being “on call” all day, every day, for the rest of your life. Just like physicians get calls around the clock from their patients when they’re on call, the same goes for Mamas. Our children can (and will) call on us anytime of day or night and we will answer and be there for them. (BTW, my husband is a surgeon and in 6 years of Motherhood I’ve totally gotten more middle-of-the-night calls than he has.)
It’s laundry.
And the irony of this never-ending pile of laundry is that your own clothes make up the smallest portion of it. Your spouse & kids are the real culprits. Probably because you wear the same thing most days. (Just me? Cool.)
It’s also knowing which clothes need to be hung & which ones can go straight in the dryer & which ones have stains you’re working on. I bet no one else in your house knows how to sort it correctly. I’m not Type A, you are. (Actually I’m not Type A anymore—that is one thing Motherhood has definitely changed about me—but that is for another post.)
It’s tickle fights and sword fights and playing chase and hide-and-seek and building towers and acting out stories and drawing masterpieces. It’s whatever those tiny minds and bodies need.
It’s keeping up with everything in the history of the world. Dates for kid stuff, dates for adult stuff, dates for family stuff, and dates for stuff that has nothing to do with you but everybody still gives to you to keep up with. Moms are like universal human calendars that update constantly and sync to everyone else.
It’s getting to be there for all the moments. When someone says, “I wish I was there for that” you smile because you were there for it. And that feels amazing.
It’s being a referee in the background of every single activity every single day if you have more than one child.
It’s keeping tabs on what food you’re out of, what food you’re almost out of, and what food is about to go bad so you need to eat it first.
It’s braving the grocery store. And then putting all those groceries away. And doing the stuff Moms know to do, like washing the fruit.
It’s listening—to the chaos and the silence. Because seasoned Mamas know that silence is not always golden and sometimes chaos is the sweetest sound.
It’s changing out the coffee pot carbon filters that no one else even knows exist. (I love coffee, obvi.)
It’s making your children feel like they are the most important and special thing in the world as often as possible. Because they are, no question, but making them feel that way is the important part.
It’s remembering the dog’s birthday & being a Dog Mom, too.
It’s potty-training.
It’s some of your biggest fails and biggest successes in succession day after day…after day after day.
It’s answering questions from the mind of an inquisitive child every other second. The most popular question is “Why?” followed closely by “But why?”
It’s not losing your patience when you can’t seem to put the “Why?” question fire out.
It’s sensing when Grandma would benefit from a loved up FaceTime call with the kids.
It’s balancing outdoor fresh air time and indoor cozy time.
It’s weighing the guilt and sanity that comes with too much screentime.
It’s knowing what time you need to do every single thing to make it in time for nap and bed time.
It’s getting to be the recipient of the best love in the world because you’re the one with them. This is my favorite part of being a SAHM.
It’s noticing your child’s nails are too long and sharp and trimming them.
And it’s knowing when you need to Q-tip those tiny ears of theirs. (I know some people don’t believe in Q-tips because wax can be protective, but I am not one of those people. RIP wax.)
It’s knowing when the sheets need to be changed. Not just on your own bed, but on the kids’ beds.
It’s not getting to take a sick day when you’re, well, sick…and it’s taking care of everyone else on theirs.
It’s appreciating the perfect imperfectness of it all.
And it’s being okay with messy and real—in your life and in your home. And perhaps even embracing it—right down to your child’s sticky handprints.
It’s soothing little souls throughout the day when this great big world is just a bit too much for them.
It’s paying attention to which toys your children still play with and which ones they haven’t touched in months.
Then it’s stealthily getting those toys out of the house and to Goodwill without your kids noticing because it’s 100% guaranteed that if they see that toy in your hand they will desperately have to keep it even though it’s been sitting in front of them every day for ages & they haven’t touched it once.
There’s only one good thing that ever comes out of a sick child: The Snuggles.
It’s understanding when your babies need discipline and when they need a little extra love.
It’s loading & unloading the dishwasher continuously. Forever and ever. The End.
It’s knowing the bottle and sippy cup parts need to dry fully before putting them back together.
It’s somehow magically understanding that adorable toddler talk when it seems no one else in the world can.
It’s noticing when they’ve outgrown something and mentally noting when they’ve almost outgrown something.
It’s making your child feel like they have your complete, undivided attention when your mind is in a million different directions. You feel that scattered mind of yours but you try your hardest to make sure they don’t.
It’s never truly having a day or night off. Because let’s be honest, even if you are away from your children, they’re always still on your mind. Someone should warn us that once you become a parent you have your own personal cloud flurry of worry (cue Olaf) for your precious babies at all times.
It’s juggling the absolute sweetest moments of your life with some of the toughest ones.
It’s knowing that the “days are long but the years are short” are the truest words ever spoken. And embracing that.
It’s being a teacher who is expected to be an expert in every subject under the sun from Language to Math to History to Humanity to Etiquette to PE to Reading to Home Ec. to Arts & Crafts.
School is in session.
And let’s not forget you’re also the cafeteria lady.
Oh. And the cook, too.
It’s a cycle of laughs and hugs and tantrums and kisses and pouts and holding your ground and raising the white flag that repeats all day long.
It’s the love. Oh, it’s the love.
Sometimes I feel like Super Mom. Sometimes I don’t.
Being a Stay at Home Mom is literally being everything and everyone to everything and everyone.
It’s being all-knowing. And all-doing. It’s basically being a Superhero.
But let’s be real—that’s a lot to tell someone in response to a 4 word question. So you don’t. But maybe sometimes it’s okay if you do. Maybe sometimes it’s okay to talk about all the Stay at Home Mom badassery you’re doing.
I didn’t know I’d want to be a SAHM. I didn’t know I’d love being a SAHM. But now I know how lucky I am to be a Stay at Home Mom.
And other Moms feel the same way.
I wouldn’t trade my Stay at Home Mom status or super powers for anything in the world…even though it can be completely exhausting.
But you know what?
I’m sure even Wonder Woman would be beat after a day as a Stay at Home Mom.
And I know Superman would.
Are you a Stay at Home Mom? Or have you been a SAHM? What do you think?
Want more on Motherhood? —> Do you have Mom Burnout? Worried about your child choking? (mine did) Want to see the face of a Mom who just wanted a family dinner? Are you a BOYMOM?
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47 comments
It’s hard to find the words to explain what it’s like being a stay at home! Thank you for this!
I’m glad it resonated with you. I think there are no words to explain Stay at Home Mom life and also a million words to explain a Stay at Home Mom’s day, right? ❤️
Hello there,
I stumbled across this on google, while searching for advice. My husband and I have been so tense with one another the past few weeks and it finally came to a head this morning. I’ve been a SAHM for almost 6 years now and, even though I’ve came a long way in these 5.5 years, I still haven’t mastered it all. I struggle with keeping the house spotless, keeping the laundry done, I’m usually late to planned events/appointments, or I just completely forget, I still can’t have dinner made by the same time every night, and I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to “master” all these things. However, my husband seems to think that I can, that I just don’t try hard enough. In his words “This doesn’t feel like an equal partnership.”
Now, am I the only SAHM with these issues, I mean I can’t be alone? I just don’t know how to make him see that I’m not the only one who struggles. Sometimes I think that his military career, and all his training, is the reason behind his thinking. In his mind, if you want something to be perfect then you can make it perfect, but that just doesn’t apply to being at Stay-at-Home parent! Uggh! Anyway, I apologize for ranting and rambling, I just feel alone. On the other hand, I am grateful for stumbling across this page, I see that I’m not alone in some of my struggles. Any advice from you or from anyone else would be dearly appreciated. May God bless you and your families,
Ivey
Listen to me, Mama. NO ONE can “master” it all. Motherhood is beautiful and incredible and intense and unrelenting and exhausting and perfect and insane all at once. It’s ever-changing. And being a SAHM is like being a Mom, house keeper, cook, laundromat, & personal assistant on steroids. It is NOT that you’re not trying hard enough. Honestly, you’re probably trying too hard. You are most definitely not alone. Can you show him this article? Can you show him all the comments from other SAHMs so he can understand? Can you leave him home alone with the kids & the house for a week so he can have a taste of what all you do? (Ha. Kidding but also not kidding. He might not survive.) And you’re so, so right. Perfection doesn’t apply to being a Stay at Home parent….or parenthood in general. It’s messy and it’s real. I wish I had advice to give, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in feeling like this. I “fail” 20x a day. And win 20x the next day. It’s up & down and we have to roll with it. But, I will say that the fact that I have a supportive and understanding partner in my husband is huge. He makes me feel appreciated for all I (try to) do. I’m crossing my fingers your husband can realize the sheer amount of work and thought and energy and love that goes into every day of your life. ❤️❤️
I asked all my Mamas on Instagram for advice to share with you. They gave some amazing love & support. Check it out: https://www.instagram.com/p/CERWo8igP4i ❤️
A fellow Mama recently asked me, “Do you work inside or outside of the home?” BOOM —- this right here hit home with me in such a big way! I wanted to be a SAHM and now that I am I find myself feeling stuck sometimes wishing I still worked even part time to get a break away from my house and then I have to calm down and count my blessings realize I maybe tired or burned out and need a break asking for a night out or day trip away with the hubby so refresh and miss my kids I love so much but that also need a break from mommy (especially when I’m tired and cranky) thank you for highlighting all the things we do instead of looking at the list of things/projects we didn’t get done ❤️
It’s like you’re speaking my heart!!! Yes yes yes, I know exactly how you feel and am right there with you. Stay at Home Mom life is exhausting and incredible and beautiful and defeating and so perfectly imperfect. It takes me 20x longer to do any task than it did pre-kids, but I have never felt so much love or so fulfilled in my life. Stay at Home Mom burnout is a whole different beast and it beats us down. And yet we don’t want to NOT be home with our kids! Being a SAHM is my favorite thing. But, I do think it’s so important to remind ourselves of what BadAs we are because the things we do DAILY make even some of the toughest jobs out there look easy. ❤️❤️
Yes I needed to read this! I am a stay at home mom of 4! 7months to 13. This truly spoke to me!
I’m so glad it resonated with you, Mama! That makes me feel so good. There is a beautiful solidarity in Motherhood, that’s for sure!
Wow! So much great truth and perspective!! It isn’t easy but I totally agree it is so worth it! Such an amazing privilege to be able to stay home with the kids! Love how you put things into words!!!
Thank you so much, Mama!! I think people are right when they say it’s the hardest and best job in the world. That nails it for me. I absolutely love being home with my kids. I’m grateful that I get to be the one to be there with them. It can be impossible and unrelenting at times, but I wouldn’t give it up for anything.
All moms in all forms are rockstars, we all know that. But DANG if every word of this isn’t true! Stay at home mom-hood is such a WEIRD life sometimes in so many ways but so, so wonderful at the same time. My own mom always says the only regret she has is that she couldn’t stay home with her babies. How lucky are we to be able to witness every moment? Even the terrifying and disgusting ones!
You are so right!! About all of it! And yes, SAHM life is something else. Unless you live it you can’t really understand it! I love that your Mom shared with you that she wished she had been able to stay home with her babies. What a beautiful and honest dose of perspective. I knew I was lucky to be able to be a SAHM, but I didn’t fully realize how lucky I was until my friend one day (who worked full time & I thought it was because she wanted to!) said if she could have any job in the world it would be to be a stay at home mom. Talk about making me think twice about how fortunate I really was/am.
This is so accurate!!! I am a stay at home mom stay at home mom oh, and I also feel like it’s hard to explain what I did or got done during the day. Because you start and stop things all day long. But it’s the best job in the world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, and in the end you’re raising these tiny humans to make the world a better place
Yes!! It’s so hard to explain what we do on a daily basis, because it’s really everything to keep all the wheels in motion. And there are a lot of everythings. But like you said, you start and stop a million times and sometimes have nothing to show for it even though you worked on it all day. I can totally relate. It’s the hardest and best job in the world and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. ❤️❤️❤️
This is so accurate. All of it. I have 3 boys and I recently just started staying home after my last. It’s so crazy because I still think about having another baby lol because it is the most rewarding and frustrating “job” I have ever done in my life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Thank you for this ♥️
You nailed it. It is the hardest and most beautiful job there is!! I agree 100%. Even on the hardest days, I wouldn’t give up being a SAHM for anything in the world. I’m meant to be a stay at home mom as it turns out. I didn’t see that coming.
You know what you come across a blog, and you’re like, “Holy sh*t! This is me! I’m her, she’s me!” THIS! I felt this in my bones – ***Motherhood is a way of life.*** Motherhood defines me, and being a stay at home mom is my career until my children no longer need me at their every beck and call (I don’t think that’ll happen any time soon, or ever). So much of this post left a big lump in my throat; that question of -what did you do today-… makes me just want to sink in my seat and rip my hair out at the same time. We’re all different mommas with different types of children and different parenting styles.. but coming across this makes me realize we all have sooo much in common ❤️ By far my favorite post!
I’ve read your comment probably 15 times. Because you made me feel SO good about my motherhood & all my feelings on momming!!! You gave me some much-needed solidarity, Mama. Thank you. Motherhood defines me, too, and I’m okay with it. More than okay with it actually. I think it’s the most BA, incredible thing in the world and I’m proud to be a mother. And being a SAHM is something I never knew I would love so much. But. I. Do. Even on the toughest days. I think we must be kindred Mom spirits. For sure. ❤️
It’s appreciating the perfect imperfectness of it all.
“And it’s being okay with messy and real—in your life and in your home. And perhaps even embracing it—right down to your child’s sticky handprints.”
Oh my goodness. How very true! I love being a SAHM too but goodness it’s far from easy! I love how we see it exactly the same way 💕
I think people are so right when they say that being a SAHM is the hardest and best job in the world. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, even on the hardest days! It’s not for the faint of heart, but oh my gosh, there is sooo much love.
I found this article at a time when I felt no one in my life really understood what SAHM really entailed. “The dream job to lounge all day and watch my stories”, I heard multiple times. Trying to contribute to current events and news conversations would backfire in my face because it meant I had nothing to do all day with our 2 year old. This article hit the nail on the head for me – and sharing it with loved ones helped them understand what my day actually looked like. THANK YOU.
Sarah. Oh my gosh, Mama, I know exactly what you mean and I totally get everything you wrote. There is a pretty common depiction of the life of a SAHM as “easy and relaxed.” Those people have no idea what it really entails and takes. But the rest of us do. We know it and we are all in it together. It is hard and unrelenting, but it is my favorite thing in the world– I am so thankful that I get to stay home with my children. We know what we do all day even if everyone else doesn’t! (and btw, I can completely relate to what you said about contributing to news convos etc. That has happened to me, too. But you know what? Damn if that doesn’t show how incredible Mamas really are – we can keep up with all the things & all the people…and also the news! HA!)
Couldn’t agree more with this article! I’m a fellow SAHM. Going on 3 years this month. Every day is different and brings it’s own challenges. Some days are fun and fly by, and other days you just want to rip your hair out and feel like it may never end! But definitely the best job in the whole world ❤️
I couldn’t agree with you more! It is the best job in the world. And even on the hardest days, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I feel so lucky I actually get to be home with them.
Holy cow. This is so beautifully written. This is everything. Everything that I feel everyday. To read this was like someone stepping into my mind and world. The big things like guilt versus sanity with screen time or making sure that she eats enough, down to the little details like air drying the sippy cups and which toys she hasn’t used in awhile. This made my day, that there are so many mamas that feel the same way, thank you so much for writing this.
Well YOU just made MY day, Mama. Thank you for the sweetest message. I’m honestly so relieved to know other Mamas feel the same way, too! There is such solidarity in Motherhood–we just have to speak up & say things out loud sometimes…and then all our fellow Mamas agree and it feels so sooo good to hear that we’re not alone! Mamas are incredible, that is for certain. <3
So glad I found this. I love it! It is so perfect in every way.
Tori, I’m so glad you found it, too! You just made me feel so SEEN to know it resonates with other Mamas. Thank YOU. ❤️
This is EVERYTHING to me (as other amazing moms have already mentioned)!! You touched up on EVERYTHING I feel and think EVERY moment of EVERYday since the day I was blessed to become a SAHM. What really hit home was the “feeling like you have gotten nothing done while simultaneously feeling like you are doing everything”… BULLSEYE 🎯 (oh great, now I feel like going to Target lol).
Anywho, thank you for this and you have made me a follower (IG / Blog) for life!!!!
Brandee. Mama, YOU JUST MADE MY DAY. Seriously. Thank you for the sweetest message. It feels SO good to know other Mamas out there feel this same way! The solidarity is amazing. It sure sounds like we have all the same feels, and I love that. Thank you for following along with me & I’ll hope you stay! We’re all in this amazing thang called Mamahood together! (& now I want to go to Target, too, ha!)
You have written an amazing piece of truth!! I’m on the “other side” of mama-ing as my youngest is 16 yo and yes I’m reading an article about mothering littles… I think it’s good for me to remember what it was like when I was in the trenches so I can help encourage other young mamas. We ALL need to stick together to help each other at every stage of mothering. I also homeschooled my kids and I have never had one regret. I love that I was there for every mile stone even if it means we drive older cars and we don’t do expensive vacations, etc.
All this to say… You’re doing a great job of encouraging mamas and I hope you continue to have such a positive outlook on reaching others! It’s a hard job but the rewards are awesome on the other side!!! ☺ Do your best and no regrets!
Sonya, you just made my whole day, Mama. Thank you for the sweetest message. It’s obvious you are a wonderful mother just from reading your message. You’re so right about sticking together & helping each other through all the stages. We’re all in this thing called Motherhood together. And like you, I’d sacrifice everything to be able to keep being there for all the little moments & mile stones. I love those MOMents. Thank you for the love, Mama.
I get to do both: work part of the year and be SAHM part of the year. Regardless of what role I’m in, I think moms tend to do all of this, all the time.
I think you are so right that it’s a universal Mama thing to possess all the powers & patient that keeps everything & everyone going all the time. Mamas run the world, right?
This! A thousand times this! Thank you, I needed this today.
Hang in there, Mama! I’m frazzled on the daily, too. I’d be willing to bet we all are. The best thing to know is that we’re all in this beautiful crazy thing called Motherhood together. And sometimes on the days we feel like we’re failing the most, we’re actually winning in the biggest way ever–with safe & loved little ones. Safe & loved because of US.
Perfectly written. It’s crazy how we can all be so different yet, what you wrote probably applies to every stay at home mom out there! I know you wrote my daily life and I’m amazed at how accurate you were, it’s like I have a stalker or something.
Love my babies and love staying with them, mostly (my 3 year old makes me say “mostly”)
Thank you for your time to write this to give me strength that I’m doing it right, or at least like you!
It makes ME feel so good to know that other Mamas feel this same way! And that, like you said, even as different as we may be, our days look so alike. One of the things I’m most grateful for is that we’re all in this thing called Mamahood together! pS – I have a 3 year old, too. I totally get the “mostly!” 😛
WoW Oh WoW. An amazing write up! Amazing. Amazing writer. Amazing MAMA. Amazing Badassery. Amazing GirlPower. I’m such a Proud Mama! 💓
Thank you, Mama! I think we can all agree that Mamas run the world. Right? Right!
Exactly how I feel! I’m a new mommy so some of the things you talk about I have yet to come across but I can’t wait for them!
Congratulations, Mama! Welcome to the best hood in the whole world – Mamahood! The time we get with our kids = some of the most magical moments out there, no doubt about that.
I read somewhere that 3 children = 2 FULL TIME JOBS
I believe it! Omg, I believeeeee it!
THIS. This is everything.
Thank you, Mama! It feels sooo good (& validating) to know all my fellow Mamas feel the same!